I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
