I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
