So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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