Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
