i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
