Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
