either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
