its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
