i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You are the jesus of drinking
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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