Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
