If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
