the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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