I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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