Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Pants are for mortals
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
