i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize