69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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