can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
