A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
