i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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