3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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