ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
