Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
