Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
