I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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