You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hippo gnu deer
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
