Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
