I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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