What a fucking waste of an outfit
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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