wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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