Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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