I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize