real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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