I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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