but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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