You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
