using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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