whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize