Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize