put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
