I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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