South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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