I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
