Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
