I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
