When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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