I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
