He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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