This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So much rum. So many feels.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
