What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
