Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She even gives head with a lisp.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I need moral support for this bender
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
