Your dad touched me again.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
