Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
