I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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