That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
