i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just want to make out with him forever
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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