the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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