And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize