I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
