dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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