Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Your dad touched me again.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
