I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
