Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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