did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the condom got lost in my hair
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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