Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize