how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
