My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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