New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
