The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she looked like the before picture.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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