You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
