Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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